[-empyre-] (no subject)

[Elizabeth Wijaya]

I've been thinking about the discussion between Junting, Aviva and Melinda
on the porosity of borders—and Aviva's concern on "what will emerge now
from the chaos," particularly from authoritarian figures with a penchant
for building literal and symbolic walls. it does seem that on the level of
nation-states, the porosity of borders has led to an intensification of
nationalistic thinking and action, in terms of drawing even tighter
boundaries and guarding what's within a defined boundary, whether within a
nation-state, a city, or a family unit defined by residential proximity.

As a new immigrant to Toronto since last August after 7 years in the
States, I'm following the events and discourses in the States with a sense
of dread, familiarity and alienation. At first, I was caught up with
updates and that sense of sadness and guilt—sadness, as Renee says over the
projects that have been suspended—and guilt, over feeling sadness at
suspended projects when so many are in truly precarious and vulnerable
situations, and guilt over being away from family in Singapore and Malaysia
(if we leave Canada, we do not know when we'll be allowed back in since we
are not Permanent Residents). At the U of Toronto, we have just completed
three weeks of rushed online learning so now there's a quieting down as my
partner and I draw up new plans for this summer. So much of our work and
life had depended on so much travel, that this will be the first summer in
more than a decade that we will stay put within the confines of our
1-bedroom apartment. Grateful and guilty that we can do so. Plans and
experiments with cooking and baking have been punctuating our days, maybe
it's to still have something to be able to plan and come to fruition within
a small realm of predictability. And for the first time, I'm cultivating
microorganisms in the form of a 7-day old sourdough starter that's become
my marker of time and the displaced container of our deferred dreams.

Stay well, all
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